Whatever you need
by fireun
Summary: Introspective Tatsumi. a little brooding and a little fluff. his thoughts on Tsuzuki and their partnership. implied shonen ai.


Disclaimer- I don't own these wonderful characters. Merely borrowing them in homage to their awesomeness. Is that even a word?

ok. worked out all the weird format issues that the file was having somewhere between my computer and being posted! sorry for not noticing them earlier. was at work ALL day.

As always, reviews are loved SO much.

-fireun

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"_He had a love, it was keeping him alive  
__It was someone else ago, so he tried to hide it  
__But he knew he'd never let it go"  
__-"Funeral in his Heart" –October Project_

'_What am I supposed to do with...this?'_ Tatsumi blinked at the young man who had introduced himself as his new partner. He Not only was his tie loosely tied, his jacket open and his pants generally wrinkled, but his hair was mussed and he had the over all appearance of a puppy expecting to be kicked but was too naïve to know what exactly to _do_ about it.  
  
"Tsuzuki Asato" The young man offered his hand shyly, disarmingly wide purple eyes hopeful.

"Tatsumi Seiichirou." Tatsumi took the offered hand with an inward sigh. He had known he was going to get a new partner...but this wasn't exactly what he had expected. Tsuzuki just didn't seem very sure of himself, not to mention he was lacking in any sort of professional appearance.

Tsuzuki smiled up at him, seeming relieved that his tiny offering of friendship had been accepted. Those purple eyes were so expressiveâ€Tatsumi was hard pressed not to smile stupidly back. The younger man looked uncertain of about everything else, but seemed rather optimistic in his chances with his new partner.

'_This is exactly like having a new puppy.' _And a puppy that was his sole responsibility to settle in. "Ah, well" _'Very elegant, Tatsumi. That's a perfect way to impress the newbie.'_

Tsuzuki bit his lower lip, obviously thinking. "Do you want to get something to eat?" He offered, at the exact same time Tatsumi decided to suggest they go for tea.

This seemed to amuse Tsuzuki to no end, for his entire face split into a wide, beaming smile. And this time Tatsumi could not resist a small smile in response. Which was, apparently, all the encouragement Tsuzuki needed. He grabbed his new partners hand and pulled him off, babbling. "I know this amazing pastry shop. They have tea and coffee as well, but it is their cinnamon muffins that are my favorite...."  
'_Well, at least I don't have to deal with a shy partner.'  
  
_

_I couldn't keep a smile off my face, that first time you dragged me out for tea and desserts. You were just so...excited about everything. It was infectious. It seemed that you couldn't feel anything but extremes. Being too near to you was like sitting on the sun. Awe-inspiring and overwhelming. I wish I hadn't been so right... I have never been all that good at handling emotion. And I damn well can't deal with a problem that proves beyond me to fix.  
  
_

Tsuzuki sat, motionless, where he had fallen, staring at the body of the young girl in front of him. Tatsumi regarded him with consternation. The younger man had to have realized why they had been summoned to handle this case. _'Hell, we are Shinigami. I don't know where he could have missed the job requirements'_

Tsuzuki reached out slowly touching the corpse in front of him once, before turning towards his partner. At that moment Tatsumi wished there was some way of erasing the events of the past half hour. He had never seen eyes so stricken, not only with sorrow, but with a self-abhorrence that was frightening. Those beautiful purple eyes were dark and depthless with grief and guilt, draining a steady flow of tears down a face far more suited to laughter.

Before he cognitively knew what he was doing, Tatsumi knelt at his partners side and folded him into a fierce, protective hug. _'Ah, god, don't cry. Please don't cry' _He held on tightly to the man who collapsed into a shuddering heap in his arms. Harsh sobbing was the only sound he noticed, the only thing that existed for Tatsumi for an immeasurable span of time. His world narrowed completely to include nothing beyond the man in his arms. _'You shouldn't cry. Not you. I don't know why this hurts you so muchâ€but I don't like it. I don't want anything to hurt you.'_

There were things that Tsuzuki cried out, his voice harsh and sharp with his mourning, which had nothing to do with his current situation. His mind was lost somewhere in the past, and he was taking Tatsumi back there with him.

_'I don't know what to for you...with you'_

All he could do was hold on and wait for the storm to end.

_'I couldn't handle that. Every time. I couldn't handle the intensity of your unhappiness. Hell, I could hardly handle your happiness. It was the crying and the guilt though that finally made me leave. I don't know...maybe it made me think too much about myself...I couldn't take care of you, couldn't keep you safe from the hurting. It was like being a failure all over again. I am too used to being self assured, the one who gets called when something needs taking care of. I couldn't take care of you. It wasn't you who drove me away, Tsuzuki. It was never you. Always me. My own fault and insecurity. Heh, me, insecure? Maybe you are the only one who would believe that one. I think you could see it every now and thenâ€maybe that it why you didn't hate me for leaving you. I was just one more in an almost endless parade of partners to abandon you. And don't you dare ever try and tell me you liked it better that way, never getting close to anyone. I know you too well.  
  
_

"TSUZUKI!"

Tatsumi winced at the tone, as well as the volume, of that near bellow of dismay. Silently pushing his glasses into a more comfortable position on the bridge of his nose he peered out of his office. Tsuzuki was cowering down in front of his young partner, the very image of chagrin. The partner in question was brandishing a pile of papers like they were a holy relic that had been somehow defiled.

"Tsuzuki! How did sugar get all over the paper work for our last case?! I worked on it all day yesterday. While you were drowsing and drooling at your own desk.

"Oi, Hisoka. I am sorry! I was just looking while I was eating a donut." Tsuzuki leapt up, intent on brushing the offending confectionary accessory from the papers.

Hisoka yelped and attempted to dodge, failing only in the face of Tsuzuki's excessive enthusiasm. "Tsuzuki! Your hand..."

Too late. Tsuzuki, so intent on helping out, had forgotten his hands were wet with spilled coffee. Tatsumi watched with an almost morbid fascination as Tsuzuki wiped sugar from the paper, smearing a long trail of coffee in his wake, smearing Hisoka's delicate handwriting.

"Tsuzuki" Hisoka's voice sounded so defeated...which of course caused Tsuzuki to visibly wilt. Tatsumi watched as Hisoka's face softened and he set the papers down silently. "Tsuzuki. Its ok. I did them once, so rewriting it wont be too much trouble."

"Yah." Tsuzuki sighed, obviously unhappy.

"Hey, Tsuzuki, it's alright, ok?" Hisoka cuffed his despondent partner affectionately on the head. "So stop sulking, you idiot. It is a pain when you do that." There was no anger in the words; they carried all the sting of an established joking routine. When Tsuzuki turned wide, hopeful purple eyes up at his partner, Hisoka mock glared. "What am I going to do with you?" Then he reached down, took Tsuzuki's hand in his own and hauled him to his feet. Hisoka must have been fairly confident no one was looking their way for he planted a quick kiss on his partner's cheek before leading Tsuzuki off, tempting him with the promise of some cinnamon rolls.

_'How many people have asked that question, Tsuzuki? What are we all to do with you? Well, at least I found my answer, somewhere between taking your hand for that first time and watching you huddle in the fires of Touda, intent on your own death. What will I do with you Tsuzuki? Whatever it is you need of me. Whenever. It is a promise I made to you, and I know you are aware of it. I see it in the gentle smile you turn my way every now and then. Whatever you need of me, my friend. I don't quite know how else to express the shy love I feel for you. I have never been good with feelings, old friend. I never have'_


End file.
